It's Friday. Sex?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
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