Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
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The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
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But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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