I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
