Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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