You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
