Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
