You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
