I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
