she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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