oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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