sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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