It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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