I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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