That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
