I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
