just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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