I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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