Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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