The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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