Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
