What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Drake has all the answers
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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