Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
