getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
