I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
