i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
