It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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