no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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