Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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