You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
