i just wanna soil my oats bro
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
