she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
