After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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