You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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