Cold hands, warm shart.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
