my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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