Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
