The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize