my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
