I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
