So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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