so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
