i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Randomize
