I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Enjoy the penises
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
