She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
