I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
