Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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