Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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