You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
