this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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