we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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