billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
