i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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