well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
