I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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