i think my tv is drunk
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
