my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
