So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
