Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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