If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
