So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
