I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
